I know this is going to sound snide, but I assure you from the bottom of my heart that it is not meant this way.
But I have a question. Why does anyone ever want kids?
I'm 33 and I still can't imagine having any or ever wanting one. I'm just not feeling it. My whole life, all I ever wanted was to be free of all obligation and responsibility. And say what you will about my selfishness, but I'm also being realistic. Raising a child is a tough, thankless, expensive job. There's too many people out there having kids who think it's going to be a fun filled breeze and that all those other people with kids are just lazy or stupid when they screw up.
But I'm confusing my question. What I'm trying to ask is why do you have kids when you've finally found someone you love to spend time with and be intimate with? Here you are, finally everything is falling into place. You've got money, a good job, a nice house, pretty girl/cute guy and here you go tossing away all that hard earned freedom and security to have a kid. I just don't get it. I really don't.
im with you on that...i coudlnt imagin wanting to have a child, but im only 20 also
Well it is just a matter of how you grew up. If you grew up around a lot of ungrateful kids etc.. you would have a different opinion. If you were an only child you may think different. And in life nothing is guaranteed no child will be perfect. My family all the kids did well and nothing like my parents aunts and uncle to look back and feel the accomplishd somehing buy having successful kids. May it is being selfish because if you love some one you would want to something that is partly you and her. Yes children are work but i would not give it up for anything. How you raise them is key. My life has purpose. There is a certain feeling of having kids that words can not describe unless you have your own kid. I really did not understand it till i had my daughter. No one can explain it to you till you have a child. I have not tossed anything away as a matter of fact. What are you tossing away your free time to do nothing. That is how some people get in trouble nothing to do to much money. What do they do get in to drugs and other activity that can get them in trouble. In a way kids can help ground some people. If i had no kids, i work hard, i go home to a nice house, watch TV go on vacation etc.. After a while i would not be all that great. I have seen people that don't want kids and when the get to about 50 or so their lives start to feel empty because the material things start to have no deep meaning. They walk around an empty house with things. Why do you think you see a lot of older people having kids? Probably thought the same thing when they were younger why toss everything away..
Age has something to do about it as well. Younger you are the more likely you are going to feel like that.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edited Tuesday, December 12, 2006 9:29 AM
2004 Grand Prix GTP (Competition Group)
SOLD-->1999 Z24 5M-#30 to register on JBO
"You can please some of the people some of the time but you can't please all the people'
all the time
For the experience, I've always felt that your robbing yourself if you don't try something that is a possibility. But also part of it is biological, the desire to breed and spread, its why you like sex BTW.
But as MyLife75 stated it also is about what you value, if you value relationships, children are another way to gain them.
While I can't give any financial, mathematical or rational explanation of why i want children I just know that i do, part of who I am feels that children should be there like its meant to be. They can also teach you selflessness, compassion etc...
But I also know that I have other priorities that need to be sorted out first, cc debt for instance, and buying a house, but once thats all taken care of (1.5 years or so staying on track) me and the misses will start trying for our first.
-Chris
True, since i had a daughter i realize it is not all about me any more. I am married seven years and my daughter is 3. We were in no rush for kids when we got married we had to get use ot each other plus do things together before we had kids.
You want me to tell you somthing money can not buy after a crappy day, you go home and your daughter thinks the world of you and she runs to give you a hug and a kiss just let all your troubles go away and you know why you went to work that day and got out of bed.
2004 Grand Prix GTP (Competition Group)
SOLD-->1999 Z24 5M-#30 to register on JBO
"You can please some of the people some of the time but you can't please all the people'
all the time
Possible it's a genetic handbrake. Maybe it's nature's way of population control. I dunno
I'd like kids, but not yet. Besides, the havoc my genome could unleash on the world is far to deliciously destructive to not share it with the rest of the world
Goodbye Callisto & Skađi, Hello Ishara:
2022 Kia Stinger GT2 AWD
The only thing every single person from every single walk of life on earth can truly say
they have in common is that their country is run by a bunch of fargin iceholes.
On another note some people don't deserve having kids from some of the things i see on the news.
2004 Grand Prix GTP (Competition Group)
SOLD-->1999 Z24 5M-#30 to register on JBO
"You can please some of the people some of the time but you can't please all the people'
all the time
Mylife75 (ajose) wrote:True, since i had a daughter i realize it is not all about me any more. I am married seven years and my daughter is 3. We were in no rush for kids when we got married we had to get use ot each other plus do things together before we had kids.
You want me to tell you somthing money can not buy after a crappy day, you go home and your daughter thinks the world of you and she runs to give you a hug and a kiss just let all your troubles go away and you know why you went to work that day and got out of bed.
+1
I can't really explain it better. My daughter is 15 months old. When I come home 2am she is asleep. The first thing I do when I get home is check on her and give her a kiss. I don't get that running to you until about 7am when she climbs into bed and jumps on me. Then she gives me hugs and kisses before going to the babysitters (grandma) I love that so much, I don't care how tired I am that always makes me feel better.
I dunno. Maybe it's the way I was brought up. I was taught that if you really want something, you have to fight for it because no one will ever give you anything wether you deserve it or not; and if you just sit back and take it, that's surrender. If you don't care, that's fine, but if you really do care about something you fight and fight and fight and fight until you win. You twist arms, you yell, you intimidate, you use guile and cunning and dirty tricks to crush your enemies under your feet. You never give up and harrass and bully them as far as the law will allow until they go back scurrying like rats to their holes. I was taught that you can't truly trust anyone and that you are completely and utterly alone in the world. That those who are in a position to help you are also capable of hurting you.
Today, I am in a position where "detente" has been reached with the world. I don't have to wear down people all the time to get what I want. I am, belately, at peace. Can you imagine if I had a kid? It would be like my own personal Vietnam. Fight against the system. Fight against the wife. Fight against the teachers. Fight against society. Fight against the kid. Fight against the world... and in the end I don't even get to win.
And that's not even taking into account that I simply like peace and quiet. Kids are freakin' LOUD. Always screaming and running around like monkeys hopped up on crank.
LOL
Welll as i said not everyone should have kids. I can see where you are coming from. A lot of times having a kid give a lot of people a change of heart and outlook on life.
2004 Grand Prix GTP (Competition Group)
SOLD-->1999 Z24 5M-#30 to register on JBO
"You can please some of the people some of the time but you can't please all the people'
all the time
^^^but then they get lulled into the belief that if the relationship can be saved with the addition of a child.
That works about as well as using a beltsander to remove unwanted nose hair.
I think, though that people should only have kids when they are READY to do so and understand that it is a monumental undertaking. You, for example have all the hallmarks of being fully ready, knowing that it's NOT anout you and putting you on hold when needs be. That is good. The jury is out as to whether or not you're the strereotypical breeder that thinks everyone's lives should revolve around your children (you know the type, blubbering and bitching that widdle pwecius didn't make the starting 3rd baseman for his/her teeball league).
It's those parents that i would like to give a sulfuric acid enema since they are stuning their kids development by overprotection and mollycoddling.
Anyhow, Knox, that's not a bad view to have, really, but then again, in my mindset, "community" is surrender to a colective force, while i'm an antisocial person (so is my g/f, for that matter--a match made in the insane asylum). The key is what you do with it.
Oh, and remeber the curse. You will have kids that will act the exact same way as you acted. Believe you me, that reason right there should make may people not want to have kids--if for no other reason since with their kids they see a reflection of themselves--often a reflection of themselves that they cannot accept.
Hence, tremble in fear when i sire the next generation. They will be the ones that will bring phenolpthalene <sp?> mixed with water to the squirtgun fight
.
Goodbye Callisto & Skađi, Hello Ishara:
2022 Kia Stinger GT2 AWD
The only thing every single person from every single walk of life on earth can truly say
they have in common is that their country is run by a bunch of fargin iceholes.
yeah children should never be used to try and save a relationship the only people that get hurt are the children. My life does not revolve around my child to a certain extent. i will say this. I got married and my wife and i are the main part of this relationship and we need to keep that up because when you have children you have them for about 18 years give or take. When they are gone it is you and your wife and making your life revolve around your children can hurt your relationship with your spouse that after they are gone the relationship is gone as well. People have to becare of that in their relationships when they have kids.
2004 Grand Prix GTP (Competition Group)
SOLD-->1999 Z24 5M-#30 to register on JBO
"You can please some of the people some of the time but you can't please all the people'
all the time
I like children....
With ketchup.
Okay seriously, I'd like kids in a nebulous sort of way, but it's not happening with my GF. I'd have to adopt... anyhow, I don't want kids right now.
Transeat In Exemplum: Let this stand as the example.
Personally I hate kids. I know I'm a horrible person for sayin that but I dont care. I just dont like them. Although I guess it's probably more so the fact that parents now adays dont/cant control their kids while in public. I've seen too many relationships and lives destroyed by having kids at the wrong time. Once I get married I want to be/need to be with her and just her for awhile. Once I find someone to spend my life with, I want my life to be with them. I want to have time with them and just them. I dont want to have to worry about taking care of a child as well. I mean seriously, you dont have a life once you have a kid. At least not for the first 14-15 yrs, then they become self-reliant (to a point). Maybe someday, if I meet the right woman I may have kids, but I plan to be an older parent, like maybe 35 when I think about having kids. There is just too much that i wanna do right now and i think/know having kids would hinder my in achieving my dreams.
Plus they taste too good to keep alive
j/k
I know, they do have tender flesh, especially when rotisseried to "al dente"
Kids i usually don't mind, it's the parents that get on my nerves. Especially since i'm the kind of person that if you ask me a direct question I give you a direct answer, and i don't hold different standards for any human being, no matter what their age. As such, there have been times when a child has asked me about life, and it's propogation, and death, and i've been straight with them. Then Lo and Behold, here come Soccer Mom and Yuppie Dad upset because i've scarred their kids for life.
The problem with the parents is that being older, their meat is more tough and gamey, so i have no choice byuy to feed it to those with lower standards than me, like dogs, pigs, and Jeffery Dahlmer.
Goodbye Callisto & Skađi, Hello Ishara:
2022 Kia Stinger GT2 AWD
The only thing every single person from every single walk of life on earth can truly say
they have in common is that their country is run by a bunch of fargin iceholes.
That's Dahmer, Keeper
And what did I tell you about taking children to a GWAR concert? How many times?
Transeat In Exemplum: Let this stand as the example.
This is an easy question for me.
First, I can't imagine my life without kids. My life before I had kids seems so meaningless. You simply do not know what love is until you have a child, I don't care how strong you think you love someone. I'd sacrifice my life, my wife's life, both of our lives, to save them from harm.
I have two boys. They were BORN preprogrammed to love me. Think about it. How many abused and neglected kids still want to be with their parents? Almost all of them. They can't help it. It takes so much to turn most kids against their parent permanently.
They were also born preprogrammed to ooo and ahh over everything Dad does. They want to be like me. They want to listen to my music, play with my computers, help me fix a car, read them a book, go to the ballgame with me. They're little versions of Me. And I love Me! They ARE me, 50% guaranteed. But better, because they half of my better half, too!
When my kids are gone for any length of time (maybe a week out of town with the grandparents), oh my wife and I are REAL excited at first. But by day three we don't know what to do with ourselves. I want someone to wrestle with for the championship. I want me oldest to show me his newest guitar lick.
You know, Disneyland is a cool place. But it's cooler when showing it to your kids for the first time. The zoo is a pretty neat place, too. Hi-fiving your boy a the football game sure beats slappin skin with anyone else.
---
I will say we have a new generation of dads that are much more involved in their kids lives. That is talking about the real men not the children that have kids and think they are men.
2004 Grand Prix GTP (Competition Group)
SOLD-->1999 Z24 5M-#30 to register on JBO
"You can please some of the people some of the time but you can't please all the people'
all the time
Strange, then i must be very weird...it didn't take much self-centeredness to really turn me against my dad when i was a kid. But then again, everyone is different.
But genetics would make no sense because the trunks of my bloodline (my bro, myself, and my cousin) on my dad's side, and just my bro and I on my mom's side are really the only ones that don't have a "chained together" type of attachment for family. Who knows, maybe my bro and i picked up a recessive "solitary" rather than "Social" familiarity gene.
My g/f's similar. When it finally hit her mom that she was trying to come out to the states permanently, her mom asked, "What am I supposed to do without you here?" Her response was, "You'll manage." Not even an, "I'll miss you though."
Just i will agree, mylife: I think the 75-95 generation of people, based on year of birth, will generally make better parents than the baby boomers and early genX--since they were the "me" generation, and even had that attitude with their kids. I know my g/f and i both want to be a bit more nvolved, if even on a level that most of the soft, yuppie parents nowadays would consider "harmful" to them.
Which means yes, my kids will have the Mr. Wizard DVD's
Gotta stock up on Lycopodium now
Goodbye Callisto & Skađi, Hello Ishara:
2022 Kia Stinger GT2 AWD
The only thing every single person from every single walk of life on earth can truly say
they have in common is that their country is run by a bunch of fargin iceholes.
[quote=Keeper of the Light™]Strange, then i must be very weird.
Seriously, man.
DUH.
---
You are right different generations will have different perspetives on this subject, a number of the kids have the its me attitude and no one else, when i grew up it was all about family and being close to your imediate family. Some of my Uncles and aunts acted like another set of parents to me when my parents were not there to dicipline us. I also think it is the culture as well because i am from Caribbean/Africa and everything is family, it is literally looked down on to put you parents in a home if you don't have to. The logic is they took care of you and out or respect you should take care of them in their old age. I will so be a US citizen so my daughter is first generation american.
2004 Grand Prix GTP (Competition Group)
SOLD-->1999 Z24 5M-#30 to register on JBO
"You can please some of the people some of the time but you can't please all the people'
all the time
im glad to see someone else agrees with me, knox. ive never really enjoyed the thought of kids. i mean i always figured it would happen sooner or later (much much later i hoped!), but i was never keen on the idea. hell, when i first started having sex i would even double wrap it! not to avoid STDs or anything like that....it was all to prevent an accidental child.
everyone can say what they want about having kids and how good it makes them feel. i wont deny anyone their own opinion. but no one should deny me mine either. maybe if i do have a child i will feel differently (i certainly hope so!) but as of now, this is how i feel.
some people have that biological need, a need to be around people, a need to be with people, a need to be part of something larger than themselves. ive never felt that way.
i would prefer to live my life with someone else, both of us together making up a "whole" but able to be separate from each other at the same time. a child, however, cannot do this. they are in constant need of something, and im not so sure i could provide that well enough to suffice. plus i am horrible at giving something attention if it bores me (ask any ex-g/f). and even worse at keeping my patience when i am unable to explain something to someone (thats the one thing that frustrates me the most...inability to communicate)
anyway....kids just arent for me. maybe one day ill think differently...but until then, i will do my best to avoid them.
How aboput the simple reason of .... Keeping the family name alive. I am the last Male Millar to be able to have a son so I had 2 of them for the family.
Other than that not sure I guess
I love my kids though there is nothing better.
(Insert really cool picture of my car with some catchy name or slogan here)
If you don't want to have kids thats fine by me. Just be sure to keep on double wrapping it. The last thing this world needs is more kids with parents who resent them.
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AGuSTiN wrote:The last thing this world needs is more kids with parents who resent them.
I agree. and until my opinion changes, i will do my best to avoid children.
